Over-50 Singles May Have the Best Luck Online
For the newly single person older than 50, online dating can seem a bit sketchy, even embarrassing.
But if you’re waiting for friends to set you up with a compatible companion, think again. Chances are good that they don’t know anyone who fits the bill. The truth is if you really want to find a soul mate, you have to make your own luck. And that may mean taking the plunge into online dating.
“When you’re younger there’s a lot of luck involve and a bigger pool of people,” says sociologist Pepper Schwartz, a sex and relationship expert and author of AARP’s Dating After 50 for Dummies. “The pool is online (when you’re over 50).”
Schwartz — a mentor on Lifetime’s Married at First Sight — met her husband on a dating site when she was in her 60s. She advises people 50 and older to join a site that requires a membership fee. “These make for better behavior because they keep credit cards on file,” she says.
Taking the first step
If the last time you dated was in the 1980s, the online dating scene can seem overwhelming. Dating past 50 can be daunting, and the odds are you won’t meet your perfect partner right away. You’ll meet a mix of people, interesting and boring. You’ll reject some potential suitors, and some will reject you.
Most dating websites start with a questionnaire that covers everything from whether you have kids at home to religious beliefs and how important they are to you. You’ll also have to write a profile and upload a photograph or two.
Schwartz recommends working on your online profile with friends and having them help you choose a photo. (Make sure it’s a recent one.) She says most dating profiles are not specific enough. Instead of writing simply “I love beaches,” for instance, she suggests adding a detail that reflects your interests, like “I’m a beachcomber who can spend hours looking for the perfect piece of beach glass.”
Some companionship sites are specifically for people in their 50s, including OurTime.com and Stitch. Others are eHarmony and Match. com. Stacy Hansen, 58, of Denver, who is divorced, met her boyfriend on Tinder, an app once considered strictly for young singles.
Some people prefer a custom matchmaking service like It’s Just Lunch. These services can be expensive but provide a more personal touch. “We meet everybody in person,” says Hope Rike, a matchmaker in the company’s Denver office. “When we make a match, we don’t send a photo. It’s a blind date.”
“Never give up on true love, even if you are slightly less young, and forgot to go to the gym after you had a child, 27 years ago.”
– Anne Lamott
Don’t give up too soon
In her 2013 essay My Year on Match.com, author Anne Lamott describes subscribing to the dating site as one of the bravest things she’s done.
Lamott says every few weeks she met with a new man and over coffee “practiced my dating skills — listening, staying open and bringing the date to a friendly close.”
She learned to quickly jettison newly divorced men looking to quickly remarry and those who talked about themselves but forgot to ask anything about her life.
She also felt the sting of rejection, which often took the form of “a flurry of dates, followed by radio silence on the man’s part.”
Lamott — who was still single after a year on the site — recently married a man she met in 2016 on OurTime.com. In a Facebook post, she advised older people looking for a partner: Don’t quit.
“Never give up on true love, even if you are slightly less young, and forgot to go to the gym after you had a child, 27 years ago.”
Schwartz suggests not setting a time limit for finding a partner. “You have to admit to yourself that you really want a partner,” she says, adding that you must make a commitment to finding one. “It’s like looking for a job. You don’t say: “I‘ll try it for a year. You look until you get the darn job.”
